Star Wars is great and all, but if there ever were a franchise that had problems, it would be this one. There are a lot of inconsistencies you can point and laugh at. Most of these issues come from the prequel trilogy. There’s not enough time in the world to piece through everything wrong there. They were introduced to fill in backstory on some of your favorite characters, like how Darth Vader became a villain or seeing how the Jedi Order thrived and then disbanded. There’s a lot the prequels did right. Oops, I meant there are some things they did right and a lot they did wrong, and I mean a truckload.
Who do you blame it? George Lucas? He can’t be the only one. Sure he wrote and directed them, but come on. He has a staff too. The Star Wars universe is huge with the games, books, comics, movies, and so on. Arguably, it’s impossible to keep track of everything, even if your job is to be a Loremaster for the series. There’s just so much to deal with. What I’m trying to say is yes, of course, there’s going to be some issues with the narrative, but you can find inconsistencies in anything you love. That’s more of an issue with humans I guess. Maybe when we can have robots to create our content we’ll live in a plot-hole-free zone. For now, we have to deal with it like these twenty-five mind-bending puzzlers from Star Wars.
25 Council Of Dummies
You know what. It’s sad that the Jedi Order fell in the prequels, but it’s their own dang fault. I mean in their infinite knowledge and supply of Jedi Masters, how could they not detect one Sith Lord? Palpatine is cunning and powerful sure, but come on. Could no one tell? What does he have, some sort of cloak or something? They never really give a reasonable explanation.
One of these things is not like the other.
I find that highly illogical, as Mr. Spock would say, which I realize has nothing to do with Star Wars, but whatever. If these nimrods can’t solve a simple riddle like this then they deserve to have a Star Trek quote in their entry. Trekkies have to love that burn.
24 Pointless Protection
Here’s a joke I touched on in my Star Wars comic piece. Stormtrooper armor, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing. They can’t protect against lightsabers, laser blasts, or even rocks for crying out loud. They look like plastic and they must be plastic if that’s the case. Who made those things, futuristic versions of Sterilite, or Rubbermaid? A couple of plastic tote jokes for all of you packers and hoarders out there. Anyway, sure, you could say the Empire lost due to the overwhelming number of Ewoks on Endor, but come on. Someone should redesign that stuff for more protection. Han Solo and the others don’t even wear armor and they’re better off. There’s a lesson The First Order didn’t learn from the Empire’s mistakes.
23 The Downfall Of Civilization
Why are those helmets so big? Simply put that was the fashion when developing futuristic clothing back in the 70s. It was over exaggerated to a point. In hindsight, it looks ridiculous, just like technology overall looks worse in the original trilogy compared to the prequels (as this meme points out). It’s not like the prequels are more advanced, or anything. It’s part of the problem whenever someone is trying to develop a sequel to a movie made eons before, or a prequel to a movie made eons before. Of course, you could say technology was better in those films because after the Empire was forged, all advancement stopped for pure military usage. That said, Rogue One did a good job as a modern movie emulating the 70s better. So it can be done.
22 More Confusing Will I Be
It’s time for another spoiler from The Last Jedi. So when Luke is trying to decide whether to burn the Jedi Order books, Yoda calls down a bolt of lighting to destroy them thus taking away Luke’s decision. So not only can Jedi return from the afterlife as Force ghosts, but they can actually affect the life of the present.
The First Order needs a Force ghost buster unit.
That’s incredible! How have they not come back before to help out against the galaxy’s plights? I know, you can explain away that stuff too. Yoda might be the only one that can actually do it since he is the strongest elder. Many have speculated that Yoda was actually just a vision of Luke’s. Who’s to say?
21 Third Time’s The Charm
Another lesson I’m surprised The First Order didn’t learn from the Empire involves the Death Star. Look. They built two and they were both easily destroyed. These aren’t legends passed down through the ages. The Force Awakens only takes place like thirty years after Return of the Jedi so everyone still knows about how stupid the Empire was. I’m sure they have archives or something too. I guess they thought this time would be okay since they harvested out the core of a planet, but you know what they say. The bigger they are, the harder they fall. What could possibly be bigger than a planet failing? Ugh, so many disappointing decisions. If the Sun becomes a Death Star in Episode IX I’m going to flip.
20 Mary Sue Of The Snow
First of all, I disagree with the sentiment that Rey is a Mary Sue in The Force Awakens. That’s just lazy criticism of people too afraid that a woman can be just as cool as a guy. Sure it may be ridiculous that she wields a lightsaber for the first time and defeats Kylo Ren, but remember that victory was just barely hers.
Rey knows how to work a shaft.
Don’t forget she had to practically raise herself on Jakku. She had to learn to defend herself against creatures and other scavengers. Rey was pretty handy with her stick thing earlier in the movie and a lightsaber is just an extension of that. See, is that so hard to believe now? Okay, it still is a little ridiculous, but come on.
19 The Ground Is Lava
This is also something I covered in that Star Wars comic article. Just goes to show that good jokes come around twice, or something like that. Anyway, Obi-Wan defeats Anakin on Mustafar because he tells Anakin that he has the “high ground” and thus the advantage in battle. High ground is a strategy in battle, true, but there is room on the side to run up. He could knock Obi-Wan down with the Force too. There are so many tactics Anakin could have implemented, but no. What does he do instead? Does a flip off of his floating platform and gets chopped in half, which in this universe doesn’t mean anything. People get chopped in half all the time and live, but a stab in the chest, pff, that’s fatal.
18 The Kojima Effect
It’s time for a little insider baseball. C-3PO returns with a red arm in The Force Awakens. When asked he says it’s a long story, which actually meant we’re just going to flesh that out in a comic book. You know, make more money. If you read that book, Star Wars: C-3PO #1, you find out the read arm belongs to a droid that fell in battle, Omri, that he befriended while trying to rescue Admiral Ackbar.
It’s a trap!
The arm is also a nod to Big Boss from Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain. Hideo Kojima is a huge fan of J.J. Abrams and the same goes for Abrams to Kojima. It’s a nice extra Easter egg only true fans of both series would get.
17 Overused Meme, But Still Funny
Just like my title says, yes, I completely understand the “over 9,000” meme is overplayed. Would it have been funnier if I wrote, “his midichlorians are over one million” instead? Maybe, but I decided to stick with the original statement from Dragon Ball Z to make it extra nostalgic. That’s right, this meme is ancient as is the source material. Writing aside, let’s talk about how stupid midichlorians are. I literally think George Lucas watched DBZ and thought, hey yeah, I should explain what the Force is. It’s not magic or religion. It’s literally micro bugs inside you. That is incredibly stupid and may be the worst piece of lore the prequel trilogy introduced. I think that fact has been retconned now, or at least I hope it has been.
16 Beware Of Long Shafts
Say what you will about The Phantom Menace, but Darth Maul was pretty rad. That fight was well choreographed and the music is legendary. So it goes without reason that the Loremasters behind Star Wars would want to resurrect the best thing about that movie and the prequels overall. Darth Maul returned in the fourth season of The Clone Wars with a brand spanking new pair of robotic legs. So not only can he survive being literally cut in half, but a giant drop into a shaft. With that logic, Han Solo should be a secret cameo in Episode IX, right? He was only stabbed in the chest and fell down a hole. Of course, the planet blew up, but if Darth Maul can come back then assuredly so can Solo.
15 Mesa Darth Plagueis
The worst part of the prequels was undoubtedly Jar Jar Binks. Now at the time I didn’t realize his characteristics were based on slaves, but now that I’ve grown up his whole society is a bit, shall we say, racist. Unsettling is another good word. The only way Jar Jar Binks would have any sort of redemption is if he was a Sith Lord like those popular theories want us to believe.
Mesa gonna destroy yousa.
Then it would make sense and I’d be okay with it. Language issues aside, he is a bumbling idiot, but that’s okay. He was designed for kids after all and again, at the time, I thought he was fine. Listening to that tone in his voice now is rough though.
14 Canceled Wars
This has to be the worst video game deal of all time. Okay, that’s a bit hyperbolic, but so far it hasn’t worked out that well for gamers. Star Wars Battlefront was fine, but it lacked a lot of content. The second game was a redemption in that it was bursting with stuff, but it was behind another kind of paywall: microtransactions. That thing was a whole other mess. Aside from that, they canceled that game Amy Hennig was working on. Since she previously worked with Naughty Dog on Uncharted it was assumed to be a single player type action game like that. It was canceled last year. Suffice it to say, I have no faith EA can deliver a good Star Wars experience.
13 I Miss You Genndy
Genndy Tartakovsky is an underappreciated genius of animation. I grew up loving him first on Dexter’s Laboratory and then on Samurai Jack. He can tell so much without saying anything. It’s beautiful pure and simple. Another great spinoff he was apart of was Clone Wars, which started right afar Attack of the Clones came out. All three seasons were designed to lead up to Revenge of the Sith. When it was announced that another cartoon was going to happen, The Clone Wars, I thought for sure Genndy would be involved. Nope. Plus it was CG so it doesn’t look as stellar. Why would you not make a 2D animated show like the original and replace it with CG? It was also simplified down for kids. Ugh, it just breaks my heart.
12 A Silent Explosion
It’s time for a major spoiler in The Last Jedi. In one of the most climactic scenes in the movie, Admiral Holdo rams her ship into Supreme Leader Snoke’s at lightspeed, which obliterates it. The big question people came away from that was this. Why don’t more people do that? The easy explanation is that it would cost too much money.
The purple hair made her an Admiral.
You probably can’t get the same effect by warping a small ship like an X-Wing through a giant ship like Snoke’s. It’ll probably do some damage, but again, not as devastating. I can’t imagine the Rebels have that much money, to begin with. Seems like a waste to just ram ships and probably a little dishonorable too.
11 Absolutely Ridiculous
Like the previous entry, you can explain away this meme, but let’s first address the question at hand. In Revenge of the Sith Obi-Wan Kenobi responds to something Anakin says with, “Only a Sith deals in absolutes.” That in of itself is an absolute. Taking that into mind we can also look at what Yoda tells Luke in The Empire Strikes Back. “Do or do not, there is no try.” That too is an absolute. By Obi-Wan’s logic that makes both him and Yoda Sith. It’s one of many inconsistencies in Star Wars logic. Either that or the line was just poorly written. You could say both lines are almost mocking absolutes so in a way are not, but it’s probably best not to trust anything that comes out of the prequels.
10 Fett In The Fryer
We all gushed the first time we saw Boba Fett in The Empire Strikes Back, right? Admittedly he’s awesome even if he puts another cool character, Han Solo, on ice, or carbonite to be precise. Then, in Return of the Jedi, he fails hard. If it were a homemade video put up on YouTube it would reach over a million easily in seconds. Let’s break it down.
I’m Boba the Fett and I do not endorse this message.
He’s about to shoot Luke, Chewie tells Han about it, Han is blind, but accidentally hits Boba anyway. It activates his jets thus sending him flying into the Sarlacc pit. Oh, and he has an incredibly stupid yell while doing so. What a way to go out.
9 So Shiny
One of the most striking costume pieces in all of Star Wars belongs to the drones of the Rebel Alliance and the Empire. The meme shows Empire workers, but trust me, the Rebel helmets look just as ridiculous. What are they keeping underneath those things? They’re so shiny and amazing for all the wrong reasons. Who designed these things anyway? Are they supposed to resemble Darth Vader’s Helmet, because yes that is big too, but not shaped weird like the backside of a duckbill.
I can’t imagine a dumber design for a Star Wars helmet.
Maybe the Death Star has radiation leaks and those helmets protect their brains? No, that can’t be the reason. Stormtrooper armor is pointless so those helmets can’t be any better.
8 Throbbing For Thrawn
Speaking of messing with the lore of Star Wars let’s talk about Disney’s book burning. That is metaphorical, of course. They disavowed the expanded universe novels from canon when they bought the rights from George Lucas so it may as well have been one. They kind of play it fast and loose with that stuff though as in they pick and choose stuff to resurrect for proper canon.
Try saying Mitth’raw’nuruodo three times fast.
One of the most infamous series involved a man named Grand Admiral Thrawn, who many to believe is the best villain in all of Star Wars. So they put him the Star Wars Rebels cartoon show, which is basically the spiritual successor to The Clone Wars cartoon even though that was canceled. It’s, yeah, pretty messy.
7 Who’s Roger, Roger?
Another great element in the prequel trilogy is the introduction of the Battle Droids. Their designs are simple but great and they’re charming whenever they speak, which isn’t often. That battle scene where rows and rows of them are deployed on Naboo is still great. That was diminished when they were given way too many lines in both The Clone Wars cartoon. They may be the sole reason I couldn’t stand watching it aside from shoving Gendy to the side. Anyway, that’s beside the point. Unlike other droids like C-3PO, these ones had very little thought in that their A.I. wasn’t as sophisticated. They were cannon fodder essentially. Why give them rankings like Lieutenant then? It makes some of them more distinct sure, but hardly.
6 Came From Nothing
Kylo Ren is kind of a, oh let’s call him a beanbag. He sucks. All he is trying to do is emulate his grandfather, but he’s like the whiny parts of Tidus from Final Fantasy X mixed with the emo side of Squall from Final Fantasy VIII. He has issues is the point. Now, in The Last Jedi he reveals that Rey’s, again spoilers, parents were just junkers that abandoned her.
Slow clap for the religious metaphor.
She’s not related to anyone famous in Star Wars’ lore as far as we know like many thought. Why is that a diss? Anakin also came from nothing, like, literally. He’s basically a stand-in for Jesus and his mother, Shmi, is a substitute for Mary Magdoline. Get your story straight Kylo.
