Video games have the ability to take us to outer space, to mountain tops, and into the deepest lakes - all while keeping us sat on our comfy little couch. They make us laugh, they make us cry, they make some of you wish vampire mommies and K-pop idols would murder you. I’m not sure I’d go that far, but with Dragon Age 2 turning ten years old tomorrow, I’ve been reflecting on my ultimate video game crush: Isabela.
Isabela has no surname, and in fact her real name is actually Naishe, but that’s all part of her wonderful, mysterious allure. I still don’t want her to rip me apart and feast on my flesh, but if I was in the mood to let any video game character gnaw on me, she’d be right at the top of the list, I suppose. Isabela is a companion in Dragon Age 2, a raider and pirate who rises from nothing to become captain, known as “Queen of the Eastern Seas.” She’s cocky, sultry, sexually confident, and hilarious. She’s also bisexual, meaning whatever Hawke you play as, Isabela is an option, and unlike a lot of Dragon Age characters whose sexuality only really exists for the player’s benefit, Isabela openly discusses her bisexuality throughout the game.
Calling her a ‘crush’ might seem a little childish, but given that the game is ten years old, I was a teenager when I met her. There’s more to it than that though. There are other characters in video games that I feel strongly about, other romances that meant a lot to me, other love interests who have stayed close to my heart. I would say that I have a much stronger connection with Mass Effect’s Liara, for example, and I can’t wait to reject all other options and have that love affair play out the exact same way in the Legendary Edition. Likewise, the relationship between Max Caulfield and Chloe Price hits me much harder than Hawke’s and Isabela’s. Isabela is cute and fun and breezy; she’s a crush. There’s no massive emotional investment, no specific moment that always gets a lump in my throat, the romance with Isabela is just pure enjoyment. There’s not as much beneath the surface, but that’s not a criticism, it’s a cause for celebration. While many video game relationships aim for the profound and fall short, the reason Isabela’s sticks with me ten years later is because all it tried to do was make me smile.
In real life, pirates were a bit too murder-y for my tastes, but in video games pirates are just cool as shit. I don’t have a bunch of lyrical, thoughtful arguments. Pirates are just cool. Isabela takes a lot of these pirate tropes and makes them shine, with her tall leather boots, swashbuckling blades, vulgar charm, and roguish personality. Thanks to BioWare’s dialogue wheel in Dragon Age 2, lead character Hawke can have a few different personality styles, but Isabela is so witty and wry that she bounces off Hawke regardless of what you’re bringing to the party.
Even without the romance scenes, their chemistry is electric, with Isabela constantly keeping Hawke on their toes, answering back cheekily and even joking about being spanked. Her conversations with the party while out in the field (or dungeon, mostly) are just as memorable, too. Probably the best is when she explains to Merrill her policy of always making sure the men in her crew get a designated time to have a wank each week, although for Merrill’s sake Isabela is slightly more coy in her phrasing. She also talks about Fenris being oiled up and glistening, as well as describing a dark dungeon as being “as uncomfortable as a diddling.”
I’m not entirely sure how I feel about “I like big boats and I cannot lie,” mind. I know Isabela fans celebrate it as one of her gems, but I find the meta, fourth wall-breaking a little cringe, to be honest. A rare misstep. I can get on board with the fact everyone in this adventure acts like they’re in a good CW drama (or a bad HBO one), but that line is just a little too far for me. “If we kill them, we get their stuff!” is a classic though.
It’s not a romance entirely devoid of substance either. This all takes place in a twisting story ostensibly about the Mages vs the Templars, but BioWare presents it as a much more grounded narrative about a group of misfits coming together for the greater good. Isabela is a huge part of that; she’s one of the biggest drivers of the mid-game story in fact, when she initially abandons you and leaves you in a colossal pile of shit by stealing a valuable tome. While the old, piratical Isabela would have swaggered away and not looked back once, in Dragon Age 2 she soon returns, with the book and her apologies, having missed the camaraderie of the gang too much. Isabela is clearly slightly confused at her own decision, is genuinely apologetic, and grows from the experience. Given how interesting and funny her character is, Isabela would have worked fine without being fleshed out in this manner, although I’m glad she’s given depth alongside all the rest.
This is not the reason I remember Isabela though, it’s mainly the wank jokes. I won’t argue that Isabela’s romance is the best in gaming, nor is it even the most important one I’ve been through. But it just might be my favourite. Ten years on, I hope she’s happy out at sea.
