Normally, an E3 presentation doesn’t feature a cast of characters and an ongoing, multi-year storyline. Well, Devolver Digital isn’t a normal company; and neither are their presentations. No, their presentations are insane, blood-soaked affairs where limbs are lost, necks are broken, and occasionally, a game may or may not be announced.
You may have watched this year’s Devolver Direct without having seen any of their prior press conferences and been just a little lost about what was going on. So, as bizarre as it may sound, this is a recap about the incredible saga to Devolver’s gaming press conferences from its start in 2017 all the way to the Devolver Directs.
2017: The Beginning
It all begins with Devolver’s first E3 presentation at the Dave Lang Memorial Center. It starts innocently enough with Devolver’s Chief Synergy Officer, Nina Struthers, coming to the stage and firing a gun into the air to silence the cheering hordes of journalists present.
The newest piece of Devolver’s innovative technology is wheeled out by a lab tech named Margaret. It’s called Devolver Digital Screen Pay, a way for consumers to literally insert their money directly into the TV. To demonstrate this incredible tech, a Devolver Digital mega-fan is chosen to test it out. Unfortunately, there are still some kinks with the hardware and the fan loses his hand shoving the dollar bills into the screen causing blood to spurt everywhere. This will be important later.
Nina then reveals a new way for people to complain about their games online that will automatically and immediately enact changes to that game called Devolver Comment Created Content. The same man from before who lost his hand and is covered in his still-drying blood is once again brought out to try this invention. Nina is so inspired by talking about it that tears flow from her eyes and blood begins to stream from her nose down her face.
As she begins to shout about the future’s future future, everyone begins to scream, vomit, and convulse. Nina’s head explodes. A game about a talking burrito is shown. That’s the end.
2018: The Fall Of Nina Struthers
Devolver CEO Cinco Miller takes the stage. Before he can announce Devolver’s newest battle royale game his neck is broken by a returning Nina Struthers who is somehow alive after her head exploded the year prior (just go with it.)
Nina soon reveals Devolver’s newest innovative tech. First is Lootboxcoin, an unregulated currency so friggin’ secure that even the owner doesn’t know its value. Next is their version of novelty miniature nostalgic consoles, the Devolver Digital Entertainment System Classic, which is just a repainted Sega Dreamcast.
The show is about to end when the man who lost his hand last year rises from the crowd (told you it would be important later.) Now sporting an eyepatch and chewing on a cigar, he shows that his hand has been replaced with a Gatling gun. He unloads a barrage of bullets into Nina before revealing that he’s been to the future’s future future.
The show officially ends with Devolver working on Nina, seemingly turning her into some kind of game-shilling cyborg.
2019: Devolver Direct
We see the immediate aftermath of the attack at 2018’s press conference as Nina is being worked on by doctors and declared dead. We then cut to 2019 and see that Devolver executives - including Margaret from before and Devolver’s Marketing Director Don Bartkiw - have put extensive resources into reviving Nina using their best scientists and tech.
Despite that, Nina shows no signs of life, which is a problem for their press conference. Zane Stults - a member of middle-management - suggests scrapping the whole presentation. However, a cigarette-smoking, swearing-adverse marketing exec named Linda Masters has a better idea: Devolver Direct, a digital showcase that takes place entirely in Nina’s brain.
Now trapped in a virtual hellscape with a white background, Nina is forced to rattle off a series of game announcements. It all mostly goes off without a hitch, save for the fact that it’s endless torture for Nina. Regardless, Linda is thrilled about the results. They can now use Nina as a puppet to announce games whenever they want. This is the future’s future.
However, at the very end, a new Nina from the future’s future future arrives and appears to be there to save the comatose Nina of the future’s future. Although, this doesn’t seem to go anywhere so you can probably ignore it.
2020: The Future’s Future Future
Margaret enlists the help of Zane in order to prevent the future’s future future from happening, although neither one has any idea of how to do that.
Linda has Nina prepped for another year of game announcements. She’s excited for the next E3 presentation, only for Zane to not only inform her that E3 is canceled, but also that every other company is doing a digital direct too. Instead of being defeated, Linda has gone mad with power and insists that she’ll use Nina to do a new direct every day. The games no longer matter, she’s only focused on creating more and more pointless hype.
Zane seems conflicted about this when suddenly Margaret appears from outside of the direct. She now knows how to stop the future’s future future. Nina had a contingency plan in place called “Devolverland” in case something like the current future’s future ever happened. The plan is in the hands of someone known as The Architect, who turns out to be Geoff Keighley (or a Geoff Keighley impersonator.) He gladly gives the files to Margaret.
Zane gets the files to Don, although he’s hesitant to use them. Only when Linda belittles him does he upload them to Nina’s consciousness. This somehow brings Nina back to life causing her to go on a rant about the whole E3 process. She unveils Devolverland Expo, marketing hype packaged as an actual game that can be downloaded and played. For whatever reason, this causes Linda to spontaneously explode.
Developer Direct 2020 ends with a rousing 80s-inspired victory song as Margaret, Zane, and a revived Nina all celebrate, having stopped the future’s future future. For now.
Yep, That All Actually Happened
Now you know the incredible saga of Devolver Digital’s E3 presentations. Were there a lot of gaping plotholes and moments of total incoherence? Yes. Was this all perhaps a bit overboard for what’s essentially a glorified commercial for games? Yes. Was reading this recap a misuse of your time that could have spent doing literally anything else? Yes, and double yes.
But at least now you’ve had the enriching experience of Nina Struthers in your life. And if anything was worth checking a look at, it’s definitely that.
NEXT: Gunfire Reborn First Impressions: Cats, Dogs, Guns, Funs
